This year - I'm doing me

This might sound a little odd after my previous post - Why I want to be a kinder person - but while I do want to be a kinder person, that also means being kind to myself.

For so many years I've been friends with everyone - I'm polite and friendly with all those who come my way - and that's not something that's going to change. What is going to change however, is the time I have for people.

I'm 25 and while that's not old, it's not young either. Over the past few weeks, after a number of conversations with some of my closest friends, I've decided that I am too old to waste time on people who do not make me feel happy, or bring me joy. 

People drift apart. It's very sad, but it's totally normal. I've a heck of a lot less friends than I did as a teenager, but the friends I have are ones that lift me up, support me and make me laugh until I cry, or pee a little bit (don't judge me, it happens!). They're my cheerleaders and I know wherever they are, however long it's been since we've last spent time together, they are there for me.

Where did this come from? You may ask. 

There's been a few things that have prompted this change.

Like I said, I had a few conversations on the topic. I met my friend for dinner the other day and we spoke of people we used to be close with. Whether we'd seen one another, how they are doing etc. What we realised is, we haven't seen them for a reason. We're not friends anymore. Things have changed in our lives and that's OK. People grow apart and I for one, am very different from who I was when I was 16 - so why should we pretend we're still those people, forcing friendships when really, we should cherish the memories we had; part ways as old pals, but acknowledge and accept that we are no longer friends.

I've also started reading You Do You by Sarah Knight. While I don't think I personally need to read a self-help guide-style book to get through life, her way of writing is inspiring and a style I really connect with. She's like that no-fucks-given friend you have, that tells you the truth, whether you like it or not.

If you haven't read any of Sarah Knight's books, I highly recommend giving them a go. She's pretty blunt, but if you're into that kind of thing, you'll love it.

And then there was a moment where I was with a group of people, and it was like something clicked in my mind. One of them I realised, doesn't bring me joy. In fact, I feel quite frustrated and angry when I'm around them. That's nothing to do with them - it's my issue - but I would rather remove myself from the situation than sit there in what feels like both emotional and physical pain, wishing I could leave. Especially when I do leave, I come away feeling awful. Awful because I shouldn't feel that way about someone, and awful because, what a waste of a life it is, spending time with someone you don't want to spend time with.

You know, what's the point?

So, I've decided that I am no longer going to feel sad about those past friends I no longer speak to - that's just how it is, and I thank them for the ride - it was fun while it lasted.

And no more am I going to spend waste time with people that make me feel like shit. Life really is too short and I'm sorry, but if we don't get on, we're just different people and that's that. No one is at fault, we're just not to be together.

If that makes me sound like a total ass, then OK. I'm not going to say sorry because like I say, life is too short. I want to spend time with people I love, who make me laugh, who are there to support me and cheer me on, and I them.

Note - Of course, there will always be people we don't get on with, and this doesn't mean I'm not giving anyone a chance - as I've said previously, I love speaking to people - I love making people smile and laugh, and I hope that many people think I'm kind and worth their time. But if there is someone, who feels I'm not bringing any joy, or they leave my presence feeling a little shit, then it's not worth it. We can smile, and move on.

When I've spoken about this with others, some don't quite get it. They look at me like I'm maybe being a bit of a dick, or they don't understand why I don't get on with the person in question. But I'm not asking them to not spend time with that person, I'm just letting them know that I'm no longer putting myself through it. Nobody deserves to feel unhappy in a situation - me feeling forced to be there, or having a conversation through gritted teeth - is not good for myself, nor the person involved. 

It's a selfish act, but one of the ways I'm being kinder to myself.